|
|
3 November
|
[15 Oct 2005 | Saturday]
| |
3:04 AM - Blame (this concerns YOU, myspacers...)
Current mood:  moody
Category: Writing and Poetry
All the women blame it all on all the men;
All the men turn it around on all of the women;
Heros arise from time to time,
then fade for lack of fellow fighters,
and claim 'Vengeance is mine!'
We're all the victims- Anyone can be concerned for the issues throughout time;
Anyone can lose heart and join the heartbreak they can't beat
if they don't pick a Hope greater than the greatness of the feat.
... Another star falls just in time to tear a newborn twinkle down.
If it seems the sky is falling in a timeless cycle all around,
it's because we're seeking heaven while we're staring at the ground.
We look to one another, when the Hope that's to be found
is Who He is for glowing against the despair of the ways I'd let you make me let you down-
Heros ally,
and more importantly, look to the greater Light-
Who grants our very will to fight,
Because we cannot all have been children together,
So we can none of us be children forever,
So when you see the lies, it's up to you to guard the innocence
from playgrounds that are a disguise.
... It's up to you to wish for the entire sky...
... when you know that you can never reach that high...
when you know that doors are all about goodbye,
and when you know that their doorways are the knock of life...
 |
Currently listening:
Here Is Gone
By Goo Goo Dolls
Release date: By 19 April, 2002 |
2 Comments - 4 Kudos - | |
 |
|
|
hey lily,
Tight poem dude, I dig it. Good message with some awesome metaphors.
Posted by Lich on [15 Oct 2005 | Saturday] at 10:58 AM
| |
|
|
|
|
anna you are amazing. I love you lots:
p.s. new myspace because my other one is frozen!
♥
Posted by X on [17 Oct 2005 | Monday] at 9:12 PM | |
|
[15 Oct 2005 | Saturday]
| |
1:58 AM - Pay (miniblog
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Most people on this planet decide rashly what they aren't willing to pay, and bump impressionlessly through their lives seeing what they can get for whatever they will pay, which usually consists of whatever prices they aren't aware they are paying. I try to be a rare person who prayerfully decides what they want in life, and spends her life learning to pay for it. What could be more exhilarating?
2 Comments - 3 Kudos - | |
|
|
Thats way too deep for the many mind-less hard ons,drama seekers, high school football loser and unintelligent hair and nail ladies.you can run forever and turn your back, But in the end u cant hide from the grace.judgement is for him only.
Posted by Mayhem on [15 Oct 2005 | Saturday] at 9:36 AM |
|
|
|
|
it's sad but true. people don't want to believe that they will pay for their choices.
recently I've found myself going out on the religious branch, well several of them, trying to find some peace and harmony between them. I can say that I know very well that there is most definetly a God, but religion is just a puzzle for me.
anna you are a rare person, you are so devoted.
as for me, I'm still on that tree, looking up.
one day I will find my place, for now, I'll just keep asking him questions.
Posted by X on [19 Oct 2005 | Wednesday] at 10:59 PM | |
http://spaces.msn.com/members/queryofquest/blog/cns!1pEPLs3edls0dv4eANidHZ0Q!539.trak
Mmmke- so I think people in general are taking this WAAAY too seriously, which is understandable since most things I type are intended to be thus, overall, but... this isn't. (please note that the mood read 'satyrical'... and didn't have an emoticon, because there wasn't one for it, but it was worth it because the word was perfect... + I still didn't know how to use the cute kitty emoticons. (Which reminds me- I should see if I have any more blogs to copy from MySpace.)) Ladlo, since you're the most recent example, I agree that just as love steps into view the moment you look away, it is also, by nature, pliable... otherwise it wouldn't be love... The most romantic things to me about the man I end up with, granted I end up with one, will be not the things I asked for, but the things about him I never expected in a man I'd chose; with the exception of my Serious Believer rule, my standards are made to be bent &/or broken when it comes to my standards in men... I'd just like to know my own subconscious expectations well enough to be able to appreciate it when God changes them, and to be able to recognise when I need to [make a conscious decision to] let Him change something in my mind's eye as well as or in stead of in whoever it surveys. THIS is why I analyze my taste-in / view-of people- people in general, really- and try to enjoy it while it lasts without growing too attached by making fun of it... because I am aware that it is faulty, and a work in progress as the rest of me, and I wish to keep a close eye on and savour the journey as I am Divinely morphed... tee hee...... |  | |  |
28 September Thursday, August 11, 2005
Why I Will Never Find 'A' Man: part a
Current mood: Satyrical
Okay, so ever since I was really little anyway, I've wished I were smaller than everyone around me so I can slink around the ankles and hide. Plus, I hate it when women steal the pants. It screws up our society so bad. Thus, even though I know that I should be resigned to being a guiding light to whatever man I wind up with, if I wind up with one at all, it makes me feel awkward and snotty when I'm smarter than people, which, not to be conceited, but in one way or another, I usually am. And I hate stupid men. They make me feel seven blasted feet tall.
 |
Currently listening:
You and Me
By Lifehouse
Release date: By 03 May, 2005  |
8:51 AM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
 |
...---===',A Dozen Questions',===---...
Current mood:  determined
X
...Who do you cherish?
---with your time?
---What is the themesong of your life?
...of your lifeline?
...Where do you envision your childhood dreams?
---You intended to find_________________________________.
---When is your first memory?
= = =Do you recall your first crime?
= = =Why are you wherever you are?
* = = =How would you alter the wishes on your star?
---:::Who are you 'home' to?
,,,What in this world will you care about when you leave?
...:::Where is 'home' to you? iii~:^ iiii
...When have you felt alive?
...:x:What did you believe?
^^^<<<So was that true?
<^> Why do the spots on our backs we can't reach always itch?
D How do I get to tomorrow, b----?!!!...
...
-snip-...
...
...-snip-
...
...stitch'''>.............................................
...................................................................................
...............................
................
....................................
..................................................
...................................................................................
P.S.- I wanted Butch Walker's Mixtape or Dashboard Confessional's This Ruined Puzzle for the music.
6:38 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos |
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
|
150 Random Q's 4 U
Current mood: sleep deprived
1. What's your theme song?
2. W/ Regard to your life?
3.W/ Regard to your philosophy?
4. W/ Regard to your love life?
5. Sound wise?
6. If you were to cast an actor to play you now, who would it be?
7. @ some time in the past?
8. What happened?
9. What's your Favourite Morning Beverage/Food?
10. Comfort Beverage/Food?
11. Wallowing Beverage/Food?
12. Energizing Beverage/Food?
13. Refreshing Beverage/ Food?
14. Holiday Beverage/Food?
15. Summer Food?
16. What do you think all that food crap says about you?
17. What, if any, lables would you give yourself?
18. Describe yourself in five words.
19. W/ Whom/ Doing What/ Where/ When / How/ and Why in your life do you want to go back and curl up sometimes when you feel lost?
20. Where do you go for hope?
21. Where do you run away to?
22. What do you run from?
23. What do you want/plan/expect to remain the same in your life?
24. What are you afraid of?
25. What is the favourite garment you've ever owned?
26. What is the best music, to you?
27. What are your embarrassing acquired tastes?
28. What else are you tempted to dislike yourself for liking sometimes?
... (or who...)
29. How would you define a 'crush'?
30. Being 'in love'?
31. When was your first crush, as defined above?
32. Have you ever been 'in love' as defined above, and how many times?
33. Who do you trust?
34. Who understands you?
35. Who all has pieces of your heart?
36. What sort of man are you attracted to?
37. What sort of woman are you attracted to?
38. Do you like Children?
39. What about Dogs?
40. Cats?
41. Quail?
42. Swans?
43. Elephants?
44. Rodents?
45. How do you feel about snakes?
46. Insects?
47. Who do you have the most songs you associate with?
48. Have you ever planned to spend the rest of your life with someone?
49. Was it their idea, or yours?
50. Are you Beautiful?
51. Are you Strong?
52. Are you at Peace?
53. What?
54. Joy?
55. Do you Love?
56. Do you like your mummy?
57. why?
58. Your papa?
59. why?
60. Your siblings?
61. why?
62. Your Dog?
63. Do you think/dream about killing people often?
64. Do you think/dream about people dieing often?
65. Do you think/dream about you dieing often?
66. Who from your past still haunts your dreams?
67. Why do you think that is?
68. Describe your first dream.
69. Your first De Ja Vu.
70. Your first Love.
71. Any immaginary friends.
72. Your dream love story(s) from your childhood.
73. Your dream career setup(s) from your childhood.
74. More than anything, you crave people who have _______ for you.
75. Do you like Damien Rice?
76. Are you into lyrics?
77. Who's your favourite Lyricist?
78. Artist sound-wise?
79. What changes about you when you're in love?
80. For girls: what are you like around your period?
81. How often do you pray?
82. What do you agree w/ your parents on?
83. What don't you?
84. What are you grateful for about them?
85. What do you plan to do differently from them if you're ever a parent?
86. How else do you plan to be/ act?Do you plan to be a parent?
87. Do you plan to be married?
88. Are you asparagus?
89. What do you listen to when you're angry?
90. When you're hyper-happy?
91. To escape?
92. To relax?
93. When you feel mushy-yucky?
94. What would you watch then movie wise?
95. What are your favourite books ever?
96. Who do you respect the most?
97. Who are you the most attracted to?
98. Who would you consider your closest friends?
99. Why?
100. What makes you feel loved?
101. What's your love language out of Gifts, Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Touch?
102. What songs have made you cry?
103. What do you think about lying in bed at night?
104. What do you dream about?
105. Is that too much like the previous question?
106. What did you dream about as a child?
107. What colours attract you right now?
108. What colours attracted you last year?
109. the year before?
110. any other times you wanna say?
111. What do you think that all that colour crap says about you?
112. Do I ask too many Questions?
113. Your Mom if you said yes.
114. Do you believe in unpretention?
115. How do you feel about Gossip?
116. Are you real w/ yourself?
117. Do you go out of your way to be?
118. Do you do things because you're afraid to?
119. Do you consider yourself introspective?
120. Do you open up easily?
121. Why?
122. What are your talents?
123. Who are you?
124. What will remain when this all melts away?
125. What are your fashion pet peaves?
126. Other pet peaves?
127. Turn ons?
128. What makes you care? What are you passionate about?
129. What would you do if you could do one thing for the world?
130. Who is God to you?
131. Who are you?
132. Who do you believe you are to God?
133. God loves you a freaking lot. You know that, right?
134. How much do you think that God owns you?
135. What gets you out of bed in the morning?
136. Have you ever been suicidal?
137. Who is fun/interesting/nice to talk to?
138. Who makes you feel at home?
139. Has in the past?
140. What is 'home' to you?
141. How many people have you kissed?
142. Where's the Bobo?
143. What do you think when you look at a starry sky?
144. What's your favourite sky/ weather?
145. Do you dance in the rain?
146. Do you sing in the shower?
147. Do you dance in front of the mirror?
148. What's your favourite art to experience?
149. Artistic medium to express through, and in what moods?
150. Do you love Jesus?
 |
Currently listening:
Cannonball 1
By Damien Rice
Release date: By 31 August, 2004  |
11:22 PM | My Emo Autobiography
Current mood: Psychiatrical Casical
This is in my "A Little About Me" section, but it got so lengthy I thought I'd blog it.
My Emo Autobiography
George Kersul, who I believe headed up the district 81 mathematics board or something like that for 12 years told my parents that I was the most agressive and adept problem solver he'd ever encountered. I'm a mite obsessive compulsive about grammer and fashion, but I know what really matters. You can't shut me up, but I try to say worthwhile things. Is there a place to post pet peaves here? I hate gossip, and I hate it when women steal the pants. I aim to keep my promises to my childhood self, and thus, I haven't forgotten that children feel pain, and I wear dangly earings and ankle straps and skirts and have long hair, and will untill I hack it shoulder length because it's too beat up to keep. I'm dyslexic, and we didn't understand that untill recently because I was an excelent (sp?) reader, so the adults would keep me in from recess as a child unless and untill I could finish my homework. When I did get out, I was extremely insecure. I tried to be so hard to be someone else to find my place among my peers untill the Summer before fourth grade when I decided to hang the world, and became an independent rebel. I was very respectful to real authority, though, and sensitive to the struggles they encountered, so I got along swimmingly with adults when they were understanding with me. (I think the men were always better that way, somehow.) Anyhow, my galfriends' mothers judged me as a child because of my hyperactivity and other issues and told their kids not to hang out with me, sometimes, but I was probably the best peer influence any of them had by middle school. My mother at least once called a friend to thank her for hanging out with me. Now sometimes I feel like my friends backstab me to myself because they don't realize that I'm still me. I may have learned to socialize a little more smoothly and blend in (either to hide or to influence people), but I'm still just an old-fashioned, romantic, platonic, independently thinking brainiac, and the messed up world still hurts me.
 |
Currently listening:
No Such Thing
By John Mayer
Release date: By 24 June, 2002  |
10:50 AM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
|
MySpace Issues
Current mood:  nauseated
Am I the only one creeped out here by how easy people make it to stalk/rape/kill them on MySpace? What's the catch for the messed-up? What is stopping them? Help me out!
P.S.- Unless otherwise, YOU'RE ALL SHALLOW!!!
by default.
 |
Currently listening:
So Yesterday
By Hilary Duff
Release date: By 24 November, 2003  |
10:25 PM |
Saturday, August 13, 2005
|
Intro to Demon Kitty Muffy's Yarn
Current mood:  morose
My Aunt Shari has this demon posessed cat. I believe that I'm the only one it likes, because I am very patient and admiring with cats. I presume the best of them. I try to be that way with people, too, so I can be fairly understanding with psych cases, but I still have a hard time with dumb people. Anyhow, I've begun to write a story explaining how Muffy could possibly have gotten so screwed up. Although that wasn't the initial intent behind my little horror/love story, I'd like to pay homage to Muffy by calling Auntie to refresh my memory about him/her before I work out the kinks in the tale. Maybe I could include my grandparents' pomeranian ex-barking-sofa and my cousin's sadistic tiger kitten in a sequel... Hm...
♥ P.S.~ I love animals. ♥
 |
Currently listening:
Wonderwall
By Oasis
Release date: By 14 August, 2000  |
9:00 PM |
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
|
4 of Reasons to Blast the World for My Satisfaction. aka, Mini Blogs: Random, Rambling Rants
Current mood:  hopeful
Mini Blogs. They should exist. As in, there should be a specific little place for them. I dunno.
Blast the World ; Reason #1 ... or rather 'a', because I'm confident that these'll get better as I go along.
Anyhow, I'd much rather chill all day w/ a serious, smart, gifted little kid than with a horrid, normal silly one. I didn't get along w/ normal kids as a kid, and I don't now. Please note that serious, smart, gifted little kids can be very hyper, but if they aren't dumb, it's worth it.
I probably respect children more than any person you'll encounter in your life, just about, but... I suppose that what annoys me more than anything is how adults behave around them. That makes for all the problems we encounter. People don't respect children > they expect nothing of children anymore > we no longer get anything from children > we don't wind up getting anything from them as adults, either. Bane of the freaking world.
Math teachers, for example, don't think as deeply as their students, and tell the students to shut up and do what they're told. Just simmer down, kids, so they can get through the lesson. Never mind your mind shrinking to the size of... a... freaking... THEIR'S!!! I revolted, and I hope that you did too. And I hope that you tell every child who ever brings up math to do the same. Or anything else, for that matter. Keep asking questions. Dumb people are dumb because they don't bother thinking thoughts because they have been taught that those thoughts are just sillinesses that don't matter. And then they may wonder why the rest of us have figured out more than they have... AND IT'S ALL THEIR PAST POTENTIAL LEADERS' FAULTS!!!!
If this p.o's you as well, comment me and lemme know. It would make me happy. Go ahead; get angry like me and everything. See if it bothers me. I dare you.
Blast the World ; Reason 'b'
Girls are stupid. No, really. They get totally catty w/ one another over some guy they only want around to objectify anyhow, and wind up missing out on friendships w/ the females they could have related to the most because of it. [Grow.Up].
There is so much more to say on the subject of why girls are stupid that I'm not even going to touch the rest... for now. (I don't feel like it today. Leave me alone. Sorry if I'm not angry enough for you.)
Blast the World: Reason'c'
Boys ... But I'm not going to say anything rotten about them because I feel bad for them right now for some dumb reason. Which brings me to the
#1 reason the world sucks today:
I'm crushing. and mushing. and giggly, and giddy, and icky. Bleh! That's why this paragraph is the perfect, pooey colour that I can't stand and never want to see again in my entire life... So don't blog in it... Or die... but not really, probably, because I'm too apathetic to be violently inclined right now, and I probably will care too much to kill anyone tomorrow, but you can pretend I didn't say that, right? Of course right.
5:31 PM |
Thursday, August 18, 2005
|
Verbal Abuse and Rash Advice
Current mood: trapped
Ducktape me; I'm too bashful to sing.
Tie me up; I'm too complacent to dance.
My voice won't take wing.
I won't give my legs a chance.
The men in my family are louses.
I've got to get out of their houses.
Ducktape me if I'm defensive to constructive critique.
Tie me up if I'm more harm than help- if I am too weak.
Let me shut up. Let me give up.
Let me use discretion. Let me look up
before I dive, but to look for perspective to something other
than the blind go-get-it-iveness of my mother.
The more they hover, the more I'll cuddle w/ my teddy bear,
huddled cowering in a corner, where noone sees me dieing. They see my evil twin out there...
They see her twistedness, and they don't care...
Noone sees, and I can't share...
My twin's reign flows and goes...
Noone knows I am here...
My veil is not so sheer
as I intend it to be...
My friends befriend it in place of me...
I can never be free.
What of my legacy?
It suffers the wound of my hypocracy.
I become the background I aim to fight;
I blend into the woodwork; I am more the product of fate than stubbornly right,
And noone knows why.
Noone sees me cry,
or suspects my ducktape and ties.
P.S. My parents think I know nothing. Their drastically delayed advice that I may or may not have needed anyway is presented in the form of non-constructive criticism. Even their compliments can be damagingly derogatory. I would much rather be left to fight my own demons than inherit theirs. I am just like Poppy... but... I'm also like my mother... I'm the worst of both worlds. My sister was right: I'm a demonic medley of family flaws.
 |
Currently listening:
Back to Good
By Matchbox 20
Release date: By 23 February, 1999  |
4:22 PM | Monday, September 19, 2005
|
Life is Worth Living.
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Everything is relative. We are all wandering around in life in this or that area of a multidimensional scatterplot of personality and thoughttrails. Separately, as it seems, we are wandering along a lifemap that may or may not bring us into intersection with people in our own region of the scatterplot all that often. In fact, we may pass right through the mental terrain of someone who was our kindred spirit at birth, and never realize it. Still, God is sovereign, He works all things together for the good of those who love Him, and people we DO encounter and experiences that put twists and turns into our paths will push and pull us this way and that and form and squish us into this thing and the other that we may or may not have intended to become, and... through it all... we are headed somewhere... somewhere that only God can determine... and it can be beautiful if we allow ourselves to climb over and grow in Him instead of being squished by the twistedness we encounter in other people as well as in our own minds. Throughout this, it is heartening to keep in mind that while we may be one person to the world, and even to ourselves... we may also be the world to one person... and even if that person is one person to us, that brings to light before me endless possiblities... life is worth living...--- * --- ... >
5:52 AM |
Lamentation
Current mood:  cynical
I think my intuition might be telling me that my 'friendship' with someone will do them more harm than help if I keep it, but I'm not sure, and I don't know how to break it off without his taking it personally, labling me as ... 'being closed minded', or some similarly unpopular trait, and the worst part is that that he'd mean 'closee hearted', which would reflect wrongly upon my God. To reflect well on Him is the whole reason I'm in the relationship, for the most part. I don't believe that he's remotely happy, and, according to my beliefs, he needs God to become so, and we seemed like the perfect 'ministry match' because he is into debating... to be honest, though, it's wearing me out. I really think that I'm being more open minded than he is, which doesn't happen to me very often, to be honest. IMing with him has felt like talking to a brick wall lately.
 |
Currently listening:
Cannonball
By Damien Rice
Release date: By 17 June, 2003  |
3:34 AM
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
|
God & Our Purpose in Our Lives
Current mood:  touched
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I commented this on a friend's blog. Enjoy.
One of the greatest reasons for which suicide is such a tragedy is that suicidal people may be those whom the world needs the most. If we seem to be happy, even in Christ, but we do not realize how futile and meaningless our lives are without Him in the centre, we... well... we're still half living- Let's put it that way. I believe that God allowed sin to enter into existence to set off His beauty, because when perfection simply there... ... there with noone to save...... It's like a knight with no damsel to rescue. YEAH! That's IT! God needed a damsel to rescue! Part of perfection is that it stands up to imperfection and has meaning. God, while entirely self-sufficient, whole, and beautiful alone, ... um... needed a good workout?... and someone to love of course, because otherwise, while he would still have BEEN love, ... the love would have been unexherted, which would have been totally depressing!!! Anyhow, I'm sidetracking, but similarly, life is meaningless aside from it's meaningless without it's meaning- to glorify God. So anyhow... um... yeah. That's all I have to say, I guess. Come to think of it, that may have nothing to do with what you're thinking, but... you know what? I'm blogging this as well. God bless.
 |
Currently listening:
Life for Rent
By Dido
Release date: By 30 September, 2003  | 10:55 PM | 11 September
Friday, September 09, 2005
|
honestly thoughts I thought today
Current mood:  dorky
I'm afraid to draw near to God for fear of finding out that feeling everything as mutedly as I have in my waking life since 9/11 (right after I was held back. about when my I disobeyed my intuition telling me to let my contact with ------ slide. recently before I lost my appetite for three years.) is simply my lot in life. But then... maybe that's what I need, you know? Maybe if I knew for sure that this muted sense of existence is all that I have left on this earth (there's that diaper attackage, maternal abandonage thingie again!) is all that I have left, and that it is merely a part of dieing, and that dieing is life... well... then maybe I could drink in the drama of the grey..... Maybe I could breathe the fog... Maybe I could feel the day... or even the night.....
Sometimes I wish someone would see me rightside out... shallow, perhaps, but sometimes I wish that it would be a joke to someone when I'm too nice instead of when I'm mad at the world.
I want to have a secret panel with a lock installed on the outside of our coat closet and a doorknob inside it, so that the pervs come through the front door, I can threaten them with butcher knife flailage from the kitchen like, "AAAUGH-AAAAAH!" and when they don't exeunt, I can run and lock them in the coat closet. That'll buy me time to ... to ... call in the perv brigade... yeah. Elsewise it'll be... like... Home Alone 5, or whatever # we're on now. ... oo... or maybe even another Rocky....
It's important to be humble when we're young so we won't think we know what we're talking about when we get Dementia.
Apparently, if I can't make shallow, random, meaningless conversation, I'm going to scare the people dearest to me away with my cold depth. I'm going to be boring or judgemental. Okay, so... people like crappy people, but they need good people......... What needy babies!!!!
I didn't have a journal handy for a lot of this, so it's quite random, I know... fairly, at any rate, so... Yeah. It's frustrating to me that I lose my thoughts as well, though... probably FAR moreso than it is to you.
When you're in love, everything's beautiful, but it's difficult to get into drama that seems so far away. When you're let down, you want to hear drama or antidrama about how it does or doesn't matter. When you're out of love, you want to hear about anything but love... about how life matters without drama... about how love is possible outside of itself... It seems like there's never anything on the radio.
A boy once shot at me with decidedly toy guns.....
With red rubber stoppers intended to tickle like puns...
God tried to show me in dreams that he was more than he seemed...
I was busy with scalpels, learning to heal...
I was too occupied to grasp a new way to feel...
I dreamt of storms, I dreamt of puppet shows...
I found a friendship just as the tide turned and it closed.
 |
Currently reading:
Matilda
By Roald Dahl
Release date: By 01 June, 1998  |
3:32 AM |
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
|
Musical Theory bloe-di-blah
Current mood:  awake
Have you ever thought about how much musical theory goes into the Windows Media Player visualizations? ... then how much could???
Have you ever said a song using it's tune for inflection? It's fun. I just tried it with Stardust. Granted, the lyrics SAY 'you wandered down the lane and far away, leaving me a song that will not die', but the exasperation in the tune rather fleshes out the classic sappy love song, and brings the Stardust down to earth.
4:37 AM |
Saturday, September 03, 2005
|
*crap that p.o's me: READ IT!!!*
Current mood:  aggravated
It p.o.'s me how while I don't have great, artistic pictures up, I get messages from 21-27 year old retards saying that they 'were looking at my pictures, and I looked like an interesting person to talk to.' Help me out, men; do you think I'm as dumb as you?
It p.o.'s me that women claim that all the heartbreak in the world is the men's fault and that that just justifies them in joining right in. Women are so totally objectifying! Like pergatory shallow water is the domain of men! Plus, we define masculinity with jerkiness in sitcoms and life and crap instead of feeding our young men positive immages of what they could be.
It p.o.'s me that women are so dense that they continue to think that they need to be just like the men to prove that they are just as good. Especially whether or not the men are exhibitting the admirable characteristics they were intended to set the example of.
It p.o.'s me when friends are willing to share miseries, but are more interested in being in the miserable club and keeping everyone else they can there with them than in setting the example and leading the way out when they know how.
 |
Currently listening:
White Lilies Island
By Natalie Imbruglia
Release date: By 04 December, 2001  |
2:30 PM |
Thursday, September 01, 2005
|
...
Current mood: Reclusive
Category: Love and Relationships
Riding in the passenger seat, savoring the view, breathing in you,
singing along with the angst filled songs I thought I'd never relate to.
I thought our love would save us,
I thought it was wise to trust,
and God knows that I never meant to hurt you...
I stepped aside from what was true.
I was walking in a dream
more real than it could seem.
Was I a victim as the fool?
Drawing near you was I cruel?
Was it always an illusion?
Did we change it in our confusion?
Haunted by the scars of my own caress,
my black and white memories of the warmth of sunshine
compel me to differentiate between the doodles on my map to happiness-
God's, your's, and mine?
Sometimes every man I spy is you.
Sometimes noone is someone if I am noone to you.;
Noone is a person I have yet to meet;
Noone and I are true.
Sometimes I need to curl up in the dark
Sometimes I need to fly over the park
Sometimes it hits me even if you cared, you never knew me
Sometimes you were there, but you looked right through me...
I thought you saw into me till you threw me congratulations on my modernization...
I should have known then we were both lieing to us.
I should have known the heart to trust
Just thought we knew the hearts of us...
Happiness can make you believe that you know everything...
Happiness out of it's place & time has no worthwhile meaning...
 |
Currently listening:
Black Balloon
By Goo Goo Dolls
Release date: By 29 June, 1999  |
11:19 PM |
Saturday, August 27, 2005
|
I don't...
Current mood:  melancholy
1) I am a(n)- reluctant extrovert.
2) My room is- obsessive compulsive. perfectly untidy.
3) I'm just a(n)- (n)other soul striving to make itself worthwhile.
4) Maybe I should- just shut up.
5) I love- myself... but lately...... ... it just feels like... um... deep inside of me... um ... I'm not really sure I-......... I- ... I ... That is, ... I mean........ I don't ... honestly... I just... I don't really ... feel like I care all that much about anyone but myself, lately... not really........ .... not truly.....
6) ____________ are cute : beauty marks ... I guess.....
7) Looking for- something or someone to awaken a part of my heart I think I've lost.
8) I don't understand- ... hm.... .. that's a toughy.... I don't understand how people can live with never knowing what they've missed by rejecting people based on their smell, or their...... anything, really... Oh, and I don't understand the real point of filling up someone's yearbook space with immitations of whatever one sees other people have signed.
9) I lost my- heart.
10) My boy/girlfriend is- a paradox lost in time.
11) In darkness, I- can breathe freely, be real, and change for the next scene.
12) Why can't I- (8) breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you? (8) ... why can't I just get over it and love again?
13) Is there such a thing as- second love=last love? heart magically reappearing? life making good things happen to you despite yourself?
14) Does the- I don't know, but what is constant in life?
15) People say I'm- a great listenner. Go figure! I never shut up!!
16) Love is- a decision... and a difficult one, one way or the other.
17) You make me wanna- know if you could touch me... you make me want to run away.
18) Somewhere, someone is- lonely for me.
19) Is it true that- those who have truly loved once are still far more likely to love again even after they've lost love to disloyalty and the frailties of what is supposed to be the least changing of all leaves that fall?
20) I will always- care for you... somewhere inside me. even if I can never show it to myself.
21) Forever is- an infinite trail of golden blanks to be sullied.
22) I never want to- fall in and out of love. |
I'm obsessed right now. ..... blast.
2:25 AM 1 September Thursday, August 25, 2005
|
Online Kau Tippage and Duck Tormention... Tormentation... Whatever.
Current mood:  amused
Okay, so you've got this add that offers you the chance to shoot the demented duck that won't stop quacking at you in your mind with a red rubber stopper, or to tip the retarded oblivious kaus that just stand there, graze, and fall asleep every few seconds for the price of 'X'ing out of the iPod drawing data screen. And you've just gotta; haven't you? I do. BloomCosmetics.com has this 'catch the duck' game that's awesome too. You should all check it out. Clicky clicky, to beat the crap out an Audrey Hepburn inspired character's Ducky... So what if that didn't rhyme? Go to the "Flash Game".
4:30 PM |
My Issues, I suppose. I'm rather rambling drowsily.
Current mood:  sleepy
Rambling is in swirls, while babbling is in looooooong strokes.
All the doors and sound producing particles and echo reflecting surfaces seem to be anticipating my every move tonight. Even as I control them, I seem to be expecting them to hold off their response untill I am ready to sense it.
I feel responsible for the pain and mistakes of everyone I know under... oh... say... my sister's age (24 as of the 25th). Why can't you comfort them better; Don't you understand what they're saying? You should have given them better advice; You should have made the advice you gave them seem real by staying near to them; You should have called them every week untill they come out into the direct light... spying the light at the end of the tunnel just isn't enough; bloe- de bloe- de Lily- freaking- bloe. Go me. I have GOT to rest in the Lord. Other people are REALLY not MY responsibility, save for that to which I am called, and I need to be content with the life and maturity God has given me, and spend far more time taking things to him, and far less time on here trying to solve the world's problems for you.
Not that this is you guys' fault, but I really need to not get sucked into seeing nothing but a screen when I try to immagine my friends. I think that, especially as a dyslexic person, they really don't seem real that way, and I'm going to lose my non-verbal communication skills that bite anyway, and my acting will be reduced to no expressions but those I can figure out how to make with keys, and it will take a LONG freaking time before I can be comfortable meeting irl people I've met on time. As in, it'll continue take a long time for each individual, and I intend to keep it that way. And so, much as the networking and friends I have on here are SO great and open as people rarely can be irl even after you've known them for years, I need to take some time of rest. I've already begun, as some of you have kindly noticed. I haven't been spending all day every day on here as I did for... oh... say... a week about a week ago. I just want you to know that I love you all. I am delighted to be a part of all this. I am posting a poem and going to bed to pray and sleep and dream, and I believe that the Lord will speak to me. He's drawn near to me very generously lately, or so it feels. I love feeling this way, at any rate, and I know that it is a blessing from Him, and it is my favourite way to be of it and all the ways that conflict. I am really not watching my grammar and clarity. And I need to share a dream with a friend, so maybe I'll post that poem later. ' Night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. Pleasant dreams to you. Toodles and Ciao. This has all been very scattered, and I'm sure it will give the illusion of drawing correllations I didn't intend to, so don't read too much into anything, and... Nighty Night again.* * * * * * < lil' blue star is well balanced: open to the outside world, it's own colour, not smothered out of sight (to or from) by the other stars, and not isolated out of reality.
... and right upclose with it's ear pressed against the Author's words... okay; I need sleep... lovles; muah... okay, I definitely have the jibberish cravings. Mummbua-numb-claw-berry-smoothie-yum-yum-blumbundle-bug-hum-drum-flstthwumpettittlediddly-dum-drum skschstthweyewermpphtthwemprelskittlydumple-diddly-duggledy thwembum-bum... Okay, so... with the esses and te eches in this sentence, I think I will be good and have my closer... uuu... and the els and ... okay. I'm going to bed, now. Goodnight.
2:26 AM Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Current mood:  rejuvenated
I went to my dyslexia assesment today, and the lady helped me explain better to my mother why putting me on medicine for ADD is wrong for me (I believe medicating anyone for mental so-called-illness is wrong, as a rule of thumb), and I got to be the one who wasn't confused!... some of the time... Poor Mummy really wants to understand, though. This will help her. I want to use Dyslexia training as a platform if I'm ever rich and famous. :) Having a bunch of people think they know you and you know something does have some perks. It all made poor Mama` feel kind of dumb and out of the loop, though, so I told her that though Daddy understood my mind better, she was more sensitive to my spirit, where my pappy kind of believes that sensitivity is just a weakness, and, once again, that I was glad that they were both my parents. Anyhow, if you're a believer, Practice His Presence. Love in Christ; Ciao.
P.S.- and I thought of this really kewl thing to do with this toy I was playing with while I was there... with the three dimentions...... and now I REALLY WANNA DO IT! And there were colours. Not a ginormous variety or anything, but colours are fun. My visual digit factor or digit... something or other... the number of items I can remember in a row from what I see is only five, and for most people it's seven to nine. :( But I can remember telephone numbers because my audio digit retention is... eight? And I can come up with mathematical patterns to remember. :) So anyhow, um... yeah. That's me. :D This'd all be more fun in colour, but I don't feel like colouring it. I hope you all have had fun reading it anyway, though. I should read the dyslexia book down there V. Why is there no downward arrow???? That's dumb. But anyhow.
10:19 PM 4 August As a music video addict, I just figured out why women in the hip hop culture are so much crappier of actors than women in pop punk or folk or other rock culture w/ often just as lousy vocal skills. How can anyone but possibly a professional, experienced actress or gifted ho be expected to carry on any sort of natural flow while as self conscious as anyone would be in those mere strategically positioned ribbons? I was right to pray for them as I would when I was younger. They break their own hearts as much as they do mine... more.
|
|
|
|
工具 
說明
